Death by Pinkette
by crystal-snow-is-the-best
Summary: What was the worst mistake the Akatsuki ever made, letting a certain pinkette in their little brigade. Rated T for language. First STORY EVER! Don't kill me if you don't like it, please?
1. Hidan

"Yo Pinky, what up?" That stupid silver haired son of a-, gun.

"Go fu-, bug off."

"Afraid to drop the F-bomb there pinky?" What the heck does it matter to him? I am sitting on the couch watching a movie when all the sudden that flipping son of a gun comes and ruins the moment.

"You ruined the moment."

"What moment? You were just sitting on your lazy bum watching a-, WHAT THE HELL WOMAN!" Ah, what magic a lovely fist can do to make a man shut up.

"I knew you wouldn't listen to shut up so I just made my actions louder than my words."

"Bitch. Well if you really wanted a touching moment, I could probably help you." He snakes his arm around my shoulder, his skin cold from being outside I guess. Wait, no, he was probably in his room.

"Your flipping cold! Where the heck have you been?"

"My room, Kakazu refuses to turn up the heat saying that it would cost to much, stupid penny pincher." I have to laugh at the last part because he is correct, Kakazu is a true penny pincher. He would sell Hidan if he thought that he could get some money for it, sadly he says, Hidan wouldn't be worth the fight, or the cussing.

"You know, you're not to bad looking when you smile, or laugh. The problem is the fact that you always looked like you're constipated, or depressed, Itachi seems to be rubbing off on you." Okay, he was doing just fine, then he had to make the stupid comment about my face, then Itachi, stupid bastard. And to think that I just sucker-punched him a few minutes, _sigh,_ what a shame that he didn't learn to shut his face the first time. Oh well.

"WHAT THE HELL YOU FUCKIN' BITCH!"

"You made the stupid comment, not me." I slowly get myself out from under his arms.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" That silver-haired bastard dares ask me what is my problem, man is he brave. I think I'll have a little fun with Hidan here.

"You do know that I have aids, right?"

"Wait, what!?"

"Itachi's."

"WHAT-THE-HELL!?" I love his expression right now, eyes wide open, jaw on the floor. Priceless. I skip up and kiss his cheek.

"You heard what I said, Itachi's."

"What's mine?" Crap.

"Oh nothing." I skip to him and kiss him on the cheek as well. I stand on the tips of my toes and whisper into Itachi's ear,

"Oh, I just told Hidan that you gave me aids, just go with it, it'll pay off trust me." I can see the smirk growing on his face.

"Copy." As I leave the room Kisame looks at me with narrowed eyes.

"What the hell is going on in there, Hidan looks like his dog died, if he had a dog, and wasn't Jashinist, I mean."

"I just told him that Itachi gave me aids." I say while skipping away. I turn around and smile and see Kisame watch me.

"What the hell!?" He says while turning back around to face Itachi's back. Oh, today is turning out to be a great day!

A/N: In case you don't know aids is a STD. Sexually Transmitted Disease. I hope that will clear any confusion about Hidan's reaction. MORE TO COME! :-)


	2. Tobi

"SAKURA-CHAN!" Oh shoot no. I turn around to see a certain masked ninja running my way. That wasn't even the worst part, the worst part was the fact that this certain masked ninja was running at me with arms opened wide. Tobi doesn't give bear hugs, Tobi gives what we, the Akatsuki, like to call a Tobi hug. You could say it is like a bear hug, but 15 times stronger. Last Time Tobi gave Kisame a hug, Kisame broke six ribs, and guess who had to fix that little problem, none other then me.

"SAKURA-CHAN, TOBI WANTS A HUG!"

"Oh heck no!" I am running for my freakin' life now. I never really liked running, never thought it was important, until I met Tobi that is. That little physcopath gave me a hug when I first met him and he broke three of my ribs and said he would make up for it. Well, I agreed, and that was when Tobi told me that he would make up for it by giving me another hug. Why the heck would you do that? Shouldn't you realize that if you beak people's ribs by hugging them that you should stop hugging people? What the fridge is wrong with you? He thought that if he told me who he was that it would help, it only freaked me out even more. Turns out that our little friend is, well, nevermind it isn't important. What is important is the fact that I am getting tired and Tobi is gaining on me.

I can see that I am coming up on the room Deidara shares with his team-mate Sasori. Maybe if I time it just right I can get one of the two of them to come out of their room and stall Tobi for a moment. "DEIDARA, SASORI, SOMEBODY HELP ME!"

"What the hell is your problem woman?" I hear a certain blonde step out of the room right as I pass the door and turn to see him step right in front of Tobi. I turn back around so I don't run into anything.

"Thanks Deidara" I call over my shoulder

"For wha-" Right then I hear a brilliant thud and know that my plan was a success.

"What the hell? Did you bring me out here to stop Tobi?"

"Yep," is all that I say in response. I will only get a few extra seconds, but I think that might be enough time to make it to someplace safe. I need to keep running even though there is a cramp on my right side. I know I should use my chakra to run faster but I want to keep that on reserve just in case Tobi does catch me and I need to get away.

I can see my door, right at the end of the hallway. I can make it to my door before Tobi catches me, Thank the heavens. But right at that moment I see a slight tint of orange in the air and see the air swirl and form into Tobi.

"NOOOOOOO!"

"SAKURA-CHAN, HUG!" I try to turn around and run the other direction but I wasn't fast enough. I can feel Tobi's arms make their way around me and I give up, there is no way out now, not even with chakra. But to my surprise, when Tobi hugs me, his arms are gentle and squeeze only lightly. He places his masked face to my back.

"Is this hug better?" I could almost hear his pout, afraid that I would say no and that he screwed up.

"Yes Tobi, this hug is a lot better, thank you Tobi."

"REALLY?!" He lets go and I turn around. His eyes are twinkling with happiness, twinkling more than any star.

"Yes Tobi, really."

"Does Sakura-chan think that Tobi is a good boy?"

"Yes Tobi, Sakura-chan Thinks that he is a good boy." Tobi, happy with himself, then turns and skips away, humming a happy tune. I reach up and touch my hair, and unsurprisingly, the run has messed it up.


	3. Deidara

Man, I need to brush my hair! Tobi flipping chased me down the hallway! I walk slowly down the hallway. Right when I get beside the door, I hear singing. Who is in there? I peek around the door-frame to see who it is and to my surprise I see Deidara brushing his hair, with my brush. MY BRUSH! Deidara is using MY brush for his hair! He will pay!

_Baby, Baby, Baby oh like, Baby, Baby, Baby NO!_

What the fridge? I didn't know Deidara was a JB fan. Blackmail material, Baby! That does not amend this though. I slowly crawl into the bathroom and shut the door with my foot.

"What the fuck?" Deidara asked while turning around. I run to my drawer and grab my kunai that I keep in there, for safety purposes. If Deidara loves JB so much, he might as well look like him! I turn around quickly and grab his golden locks before he realizes what's going on.

"What the fuck are you doing?" In one swift movement, I cut Deidara's hair. 1 ½ feet of golden strands are swaying in the air. Like spider webs drifting through the wind, the hairs drift to the floor.

"My hair!" Deidara falls to his knees ripping the rubber band, holding up the remainder of his hair, out of his hair and throwing it to the ground. His golden locks fell into his face, shadowing his eyes, the ends of his hair curling up and slightly over, like the infamous JB. I can see the tears gliding silently down his cheeks.

"Why?" He asks while looking up into my face with those liquid silver eyes. Darn, I never thought a JB haircut could look good on someone, but Deidara, crap, he looked hot, no sorry, sexy.

"Why?" He asks again.

"What?"

"Why would you do something like that?"

"Darn, you look sexy," I mutter under my breath.

"What? Did you just cal me, sexy?" Crap, that is all I have to say, crap.

"Uuuuuhhhh, no?"

"Don't lie did you? You at least owe me this."

"*sigh* Yes, I did call you sexy better?"

"Help me up, I want to see if you're right." I extend my hand, reluctantly, and he takes it. I quickly jerk my hand up to pull him to his feet. I feel something wet glide across my palm.

"SHI-, I mean shoot!" I say while shaking my hand, trying to fling off the spit.

"That is my payback for cutting my hair," he says smugly.

"And cutting your hair was payback for using my brush," I say coldly.

"Uh, Shit. How the fuck did you know about that?"

"I SAW YOU USING IT YOU DUMB A-, PERSON! I AM NOT BLIND!"

"Calm your tits bitch, geez. Now to see if I really am as sexy as you make me out to be."

As sexy as I make him out to be? All I said was he was sexy, not irresistible. Deidara turns and looks into the mirror.

"Shit bitch, I do look sexy." He grabs my brush once again and brushes his hair, again, until you can see the light shining off of it.

"How do I look now, bitch?"

"You cuss worse than Hidan," is all I say.

"Only to MY bitch."

"Wait, since when was I your, um, dog."

"Bitch you mean, and since now," he says and pulls me in for a kiss. I would love to say that I am hating it, but that would be a lie. To be perfectly honest, I am loving this moment. Who would have thought that Deidara could kiss like this. Well I WAS enjoying myself, until Deidara put a palm against my neck and used the mouth on his palm to suck my neck. I push Deidara away.

"OK, that was a little to far."

"What, it's just a hickey, I need to mark my territory." That just sounds wrong. My fist finds it's way to Deidara's face.

"OW BITCH! Anyway, so, we dating now?"

"I would guess so, since you just 'marked me as your territory'" Deidara gets up and pecks me on the cheek.

"Love you, bitch."


	4. Apology

Guys and girls, I am so sorry that I haven't posted in a while. I have been busy! PLEASE FORGIVE ME! I will try to update more often now! Sorry! :3


	5. Kisame

We slowly walk down the hallway together, hand in hand. I look up onto the face of my new beloved. I stare into his liquid silver eyes. Deidara notices my staring and looks down at me and smiles. Slowly, he leans down and oh, so sweetly brushes his lips against mine.

"What is it love?" He asks as he slowly pulls away. Suddenly, the door to Itachi's room comes open. I look to see whether it was Itachi or Kisame when Deidara grabs me by the waist and pulls me to him for a kiss.

"What. The. Fuck." I pull away to see shark-man standing outside his and Itachi's room.

"I thought you and Hidan, then you and Itachi, then you said you had Itachi's AIDs and... WHAT!?"

"What? Itachi gave you AIDs?" Deidara asks while looking into my face.

"Um, I can explain," I say while pulling him into the bathroom beside us.

"So, you said you could explain do, explain."

"Look, Hidan was flirting with me and he wouldn't stop so I kinda said Itachi gave me AIDs and I told him to play along, so he did and now Kisame believes it. I'm sorry." The tears are streaming down my face before I get a chance to stop them.

"Shh! Don't cry sweetheart. I believe you. Don't cry." He puts his hand to my cheek and wipes away the tears.

"I would suggest, though, that you go to Kisame, he's probably really confused right now."

"Yeah *sniff* you're probably right. Thank you, for understanding."

"Sweetheart, I don't care what you do, I will always understand, will forgive you." I get up slowly and walk to the door-frame. I turn back around, and blow a kiss to my love.

"Wish me luck."

"Do you need it?" He asks while quirking an eyebrow.

"I think this time I do."

I walk out of the bathroom, turning and walking to Itachi and Kisame's room. I pick up my hand to knock on the door when I hear murmuring from inside the room. I lower my hand and lay my ear against the door, listening.

"I'm not joking Itachi! I saw them! I walked out the door and looked to my left and then I saw them kiss and then I turned back around and told you and here we are!" There is a short moment of silence and then Kisame talks again.

"Wait Itachi, are you crying?" Oh my gosh! I made Itachi cry? I quickly straighten back up and open the door. Kisame turns around like a bullet and Itachi's head shoots up. I could see that his cheeks were wet from his salty tears He quickly looks down and turns, hiding his face. Kisame sees me staring at Itachi and steps in front of said person, blocking him from my view while said person is trying to compose himself, and probably failing.

"So," Kisame says with a cough, "What do you want, pinky?"

"Shut your face, shark-man."

"Rosey."

"Jaws."

"Shut up." he glares at me.

"What's wrong sharky? Couldn't think of a good comeback?"

"Would you two stop?" Itachi asks, his voice breaking on the last word. I look up to see his face but he is still looking away.

"Hey, Itachi, you okay?" I ask.

"Hn." The wonderful grunt of the infamous Uchiha.

"So," says Kisame, once again bringing the attention back to himself, "would you like to explain that little 'incident,' from before?" At that Itachi looks up, eyes red and puffy from the tears.

"Um, well, so uh, the AIDs thing was a joke to make Hidan mad. It wasn't true. I'm sorry about that."

"Sure pinky, sure." I glare daggers at Kisame.

"Shut. UP!" Man, what a... Jack..., donkey.

"What's wrong pinky? Pushin' your buttons?"

"That's it." I let the chakra flow into my fist as I reel back and let a rip, my knuckles finding Kisame's chest quite easily, knocking him across the room.

"Out. Now." I say while pointing to the door.

"Fine. Calm your tits. Geez, Bitch!" The Kisame gets up, and leaves.


End file.
